SUMMARY KEYWORDS
people, support, friends, life, mentor, needed, piece, helped, women, big, day, community, networks, funeral, prizes, mighty, ladies, puking, victim, fun
SPEAKER: Jodie Harvala

0:04
Hello, hello, my friends. All right, so I’m going to try something so I’m hopefully on live here on Facebook. Right and I’m gonna try this as well. All right, so as you jump on, say hello so I know you’re with me all right. Okay, so I’m experimenting tonight I am experimenting to do alive here. And then I’m using my phone to do my live sorry mighty networks and mighty networks. Let’s see if it works. Let’s see if it works there we go hello hello I am using stream yard so if you’ve never registered with stream yard.com I just can’t see your name which is totally fine. But I do see Xena and Brooke and Nicole have my allergies and Kristen. Hello. Hello. Hello. I know Happy Friday. Hello, Happy Friday. Happy Friday. All right. I don’t know if the live in mighty networks isn’t necessarily working. We’ll see here. I will still put the link up and mighty networks just in case you’re on there. Just in case I’m gonna see if it works. But am I not. But that’s okay. least I’m trying new stuff. Right Hadley? Good to see you. And Miss cam. Yep,

1:57
I had to dig into dig into my closet and get some Christmasy stuff out. Hey, Laurie. Hi, ladies. Jump on. Jump on everybody. Hello, hello, hello. All right. Okay, so I am on Facebook. I do not know if it’s working on mighty networks.

2:29
So if you’re on mighty networks, you might want to jump over to Facebook until I figure this out. But I wanted to try and see. Because it would be nice. If you guys are over there that you can grab it. So much fun learning a new technology platform. It’d be really nice once I learned it, though. All right. So did you guys have some fun? Have some insights, have a little reminder about looking for miracles last night? Or today? Did you guys see any miracles? We definitely are having people share over on mighty networks, which I love. Okay, it’s a lot better here on Facebook. Okay, that’s all right. I didn’t know how good my signal would be out here running both of them, but I’m just gonna let it run on mighty networks. Because it’s for sure doing just fine here on Facebook. So we’re just experimenting, but I’ll make sure the Link gets up in mighty networks too. I just wanted to try it and see. Okay. Xena said we got the utility room clean and that is a fucking miracle. Well love it. It’s on my cat here. Okay, you know what? I’m gonna cut this mighty networks. I will post the video as soon as we’re done. Come join us on Facebook for now. Okay, there we go. Then I won’t be distracted. Okay, all right. We will just do on Facebook and then I will share over and mighty networks. The link. Okay. Thank you, Brooke for letting me know that. Okay, you guys can all see and hear me though. Just fine, right? It’s really windy outside, like really, really windy. So I’ve been having some weird stuff with signal today anyways. All right. Okay, so just a reminder, if you have not signed up, you do want to get signed up because you want to join us over on mighty networks. Because that is where I’m going to be doing some of the prize giveaways or all of the prize giveaways. We’re going to do it over there because we want to make sure you guys are getting used to using mighty networks for my classes and stuff. Okay, so I’m gonna put 31 days sign up. If you have not signed up, you want to get signed up because that is how you’re Gonna get into the prizes and be drawn for prizes and things like that. And it will give you the directions to get over to mighty networks if you are not a member there already. Okay. Jacqueline says have an in person interview set up next week that is a miracle. We’ll take it, we’ll take it. There’s lots of miracles in the world, you guys wasn’t that kind of a fun thing to remind yourself of is that big miracles, small miracles, all the miracles, they all happen all the time. We’re just not always open to them coming in, in a way that in a way that we stay open to them, quite honestly. And so I think it is a great thing that miracles a reminder that miracles come in lots of sizes, lots of ways. Okay. Yeah, that’s what we’re going to talk about Mary. The miracle. She Mary says the miracle today is having lots of people reaching out and knowing your network of people are huge. And they have your back. I so appreciate all of you. It’s right, sister. That’s right. And that’s what we’re going to talk about today. That is day two is support. Vicki says I got my god box today. Love the naughty journal and calendar. Awesome. Good, good. Good. That’s great, Vicki. Awesome. Yeah, I wanted to talk about support today. It was on my list anyways. And just after being on live last night, for I think we were on less than an hour, less than 45 minutes, even several people, several people. And that’s been going this has been going on but several people were either commenting, reaching out, people reaching out in honor of other people, things like that, letting people know that people need support. And I think that is something that is just not talked about enough, not just in the holiday time, but I think in life, I think mental health has been an issue for people for ever. And I do think that’s one of the positives that came out of COVID. I know it caused a lot of mental health issues. I understand that piece. But I also think that COVID brought the conversation of mental health to the surface so that people can talk about it, and can get some support with it. There’s a shit ton of ways to get support with mental health. You know, sometimes it’s talking to someone like me getting a reading, sometimes it’s an energy clearing. Sometimes it’s a Reiki session. Sometimes it’s a psychotherapist, sometimes it’s a counselor, sometimes it’s a minister, sometimes it’s a police officer or fireman. Sometimes it’s your best friend, sometimes it is a stranger in the store. And and I think that is a subject that I wish more people would talk about. And I also wish more people would get help with. I think mental health, depression and seasonal depression. We see that so much in North Dakota, because around October, beginning of November, the skies start to get gray, it gets dark really, really early, because we do the stupid time change. And seasonal that seasonal depression. Oh my gosh, it is rampant here because we don’t have any sunshine. And so people have to work hard here to to stay in a good place. And I think mental health is one of those pieces that during the holidays, people kind of forget that. I don’t know that they forget that sounds dumb. I think that people try not to bother other people because it’s the holidays. And in people don’t want to ask for help, which that in and of itself is a trauma response. Because you’ve just always taken care of yourself. You don’t need anybody else. You’ll just do it yourself. Nobody shows up for you. You can’t count on anyone, like you have this whole thing that you’re already sitting in, except it’s not really the truth. Because you can ask for help. And there’s lots of people to ask for help. And there’s lots of ways to ask for help. And people really find lots of ways not to help ask for help. There’s lots and lots and lots of excuses not to ask for help. And that’s really sad. I think it’s sad in our world today. And the people that I surround myself with the people that are in my community and the communities that I am part of.

9:40
It’s we all keep an eye on each other. And it’s such a supportive piece that I never expected. And I was absolutely independent. I’ll take care of it myself. Don’t worry about it. Blah, blah, blah did the whole thing and then I started to get support have different things when it came up and oh my god, it was so hard, was so hard asking for help. I remember with my first son, I had postpartum depression really, really bad afterwards. And I didn’t say anything to anyone. And I went out to lunch with a friend and I just sat and cried the whole time. And that was just not me. It was just not my personality. It wasn’t me. And she was like, What is going on with you? And I’m like, I have no idea can’t stop crying. And she’s like, and she had had a baby. She had a baby young and she’s like, you know, this is postpartum, like, why are you not talking to your doctor? And I went into my doctor at the time. And unfortunately, he wasn’t very helpful. He was an old doctor. And he goes, What are you crying all the time for? Not helpful at all. It was actually, girlfriends that helped me and got me into a different doctor, that helped me get support with that piece. And I needed it. Not only with my firstborn, but my second born. Oh my god, I was such a mess. When I was pregnant, I puked like 15 times a day, and I’m not kidding. I literally puke 15 times a day, I had to go to the ER every three days to get IVs I had these ridiculous fears of going to bed at night because I didn’t think I was gonna wake up in the morning. I had depression. I had craziness. I was crazy. You can ask any of my friends. I was crazy. And I had so many people kind of see me. And they’re kind of talking and they’re like, how can we help? We’re like, what are we supposed to do? Like, I don’t, I’ve never seen this before. Like, I was just a mess. And I went to a mops group mom, mothers of preschoolers at this church near me. And I mean, one of my best friends was there and a couple other ladies. And I went into the bathroom. And not only was I puking anyways, but I had gotten the flu and I was puking my guts out in the bathroom. Everyone heard me and one of the women came in and she’s like, are you okay? And I’m just crying. I’m like, I am not. Okay. Eli had left town to go hunting because he needed to kill something. And he’s like, don’t call me. Don’t call me. I need a day at the farm. And I’m like, okay, I’m good. I’m good. Well, we had to call them because I was so sick. And the minister, this woman, I don’t remember her name. But she was God’s gift. She was amazing. And she sat me down in her office. And she’s like, how long have you been feeling like this? And I’m like, my whole pregnancy. And she’s like, well have you went and told your doctor and I’m like, I don’t know, kind of, and she literally sat there with me, called my doctor’s office, talk to my doctor. She’s like, I’m sitting here with your patient. And this is what’s happening. And this is what’s going on and lalalala. And she’s like, you’re going to in at four o’clock today, and she is going to help you she had no idea that things were this bad bla bla, bla bla. And I, it was the first time that I really let somebody else kind of take the reins, and get me some help. And oh my god, it was such a relief to have some support. And so I thought the subject of tonight to get support, however, that might look, maybe some of you need a little shove with that piece or a little help. Sometimes you need someone to give you a little push on that piece. How many of you have have had a time that you just knew, you just knew inside of you just needed to get some support, you were just in a really bad place. Something showed you that you needed help, and you actually listened because that’s the other piece a lot of times our intuition and our bodies, and our you know, everything around us is kind of telling us to get help, and we just don’t listen. But how many of you have gotten help? And it turned out to be such a beautiful thing for you. I think that’s the piece so many people forget to talk about is like, oh my god, I got help. And I got counseling and I went on some medication or supplements or whatever, whether you’re natural or not. It doesn’t matter to me. I absolutely think there’s a place for for meds with people because it’s a chemical thing for a lot of people. Does everyone need meds? No, I don’t think so. I think supplements are are great for many, many, many people. But I do think there’s times when meds need to be helpful. There’s just a lot of times that we finally asked for help, and that we don’t talk about it. And I think you got to talk about it. Um, I think women in general are not good at receiving. I would agree with that. I would agree with that. And I think we should get really really really good at receiving I think we should get very good at receiving. Um Xena said me left left. My husband is owned by my family went to a counselor at LSS and it changed my life and look to now one of the happiest people I know. Mary said, I figured that out, especially today, isn’t it great when people reach out that maybe you you don’t expect them to reach out or you didn’t know they would take the time to reach out or that you were that important to somebody to reach out. I think people forget that piece too. Especially in community. That’s why so many of us I’m a big person in community Sunday, Don Johnson has a beautiful community. What’s Hamilton has a beautiful community, like there’s people in my life that we It’s why we built these communities, because a lot of times at first, we needed the help, and we needed the friends and we needed the support. And we needed people around us of like minded ways. And it’s just such a beautiful thing to have that took a lot to go, but it was the best. It does take a lot to go. It takes a lot to go. I did meds counseling mentoring. I could not do it without meds. Yep. Yep. Sometimes meds take the edge off. Absolutely. Yeah, I did that last Friday, Thursday night, I knew I needed to get help from someone. And I followed through on exactly what I needed. I was a mess after I had my daughter and finally went to a therapist and it helps so much. Yes, sometimes it is like Diane said, sometimes it is just talking, just having someone hear you. I don’t think friends and family always hear us the way we need to be heard. And that’s not a slammed of families or friends. I just think having someone other than them that that don’t know everything about you to see something from a different perspective and help you see things from a different perspective. It’s why I’ve done mentoring for years. Because I needed different perspective on how to look at things. I can’t tell you how many times my mentor would say something, I’d be like, Oh, I never thought about it that way. I’ve never even considered that. And then it like changes everything. And I’m like, Oh, Dan, I’m so happy I did this. You know, that’s why I’ve literally had a mentor for over 10 years. Um, every dang time it helped always takes a bit to ask for that help. But I never regret it. Isn’t that a great way to say it? Yep. So hard to humble yourself, but walked into an Al Anon was the help I really needed at the time. Yep. And I don’t even know if it’s a humbling. I mean, it’s a humbling thing. But I think I think sometimes, not always. But I think sometimes women think that there’s a shame to it. And there just isn’t, you know, and I always tell people, I think it’s so brave to ask for help when you actually need help. And, and I think that we’ve been taught that there’s kind of a shame to it. And I remember a client that I had, and she needed to go on food stamps. And I’ve been on food stamps, and actually, I’ll tell my story, I went on food stamps, and oh my god, we were struggling so fucking badly. It was terrible. And it was such an a time that I don’t even know how we got into struggling so badly. And happily, it didn’t last all that long. But I remember sitting in the office, and I was in tears, and I was so embarrassed and so ashamed that I needed to go do all this. And this lady looked at me and she’s like, I’m sorry. Um, you need to stop crying. She goes, actually, you can cry, she goes, but you’re crying for the wrong reason. She’s like, this is exactly why this program is here for people like you that had some unexpected shit happen, that you need just a few months of support to get you through. And then you’ll you’ll be back on your feet again, she’s like, this is exactly why we’re doing this. And I was like, oh my god, I would have never thought of it that way. Because it was such a shame to it. And so I do think there’s a shame to it. That shouldn’t be there. I just don’t think it should be there. It’s why I talk about it all the time, because I don’t think it should be there. Kimberly says I got this awesome mentor provide a different perspective, I was able to get out of my head. Absolutely. That’s it makes you all the best teachers and mentors, your firsthand experience. I agree with that. I can teach from a lot of achy places.

19:26
And I do find that a lot of the mentors I’ve had for my own self, they teach from their struggle, and that’s why I love them too is because they’ve walked it and they’re they’re doing the things are walking their talk, they’re doing the things and I have to do the things to like I have to work really hard to keep my mindset in a good place like I can be a victim in no time flat. I can be be, you know, grumpy and depressed and sad. Like I can go into that like nobody’s business doesn’t even take me a minute and I can get there. And I just really decided a long time ago. It’s not how I wanted to live. So I work really hard on that piece for myself. I have a lot of support systems in place for myself and affirm you someone finally made me see my worth and how to use my words. Yeah. Family and friends are often too close and see us only one way. Yep, I agree with that. And not all families are that way. But I do think that it’s nice to get some different perspective than than families and friends. And it is vulnerability asking for help. Damn right, it is Ammar said, I agree I need a support system outside of my family. I did too. And I have many, many support systems, it’s hard to ask for help are supposed to handle it. That’s right. It truly enjoy sharing ideas on self care. I know I do too. And I do think it comes down to you know, when when a lot of us talk about self care. We’re not necessarily talking about massages and getting our nails done. And you know, that kind of thing we’re talking about what kind of support systems do you have set up to help you keep healthy in your life, and you have to start somewhere. And you can’t always have all the support systems, like there’s lots of times where I was like, I just can’t afford that. But I can do this. Like I couldn’t afford a therapist at a time. But I could journal and burn. And and that was really helpful for me at the time because it was free. And it was a place I could express myself and not get judged for it because I had a lot of judging people around me at the time. And but it was something I could do for myself. I couldn’t necessarily get a trainer at the time, but I definitely could go for walks every day or make my husband go with me on walks or walk with friends or set kind of a goal for myself that just today I’m going to walk. I didn’t ever do it five times a week or eight times a week or whatever. I never set goals like that. It was like okay, my goal today is to go outside for a walk and it would take me all day to get my ass to go for a walk. But that was my thing for that day. And so I think bringing my my needs that I needed to do for myself to stay in a healthy place became more of a present day thing. Not necessarily this, you know, 30 days of exercising every day. No, no, I just needed to do it today. I need to journal today. And then I need to eat something well today and then I need to move my body today I need to express myself today like and I wouldn’t do it all at once. Like I would only work on one thing at one time because maybe the big goal was to take a shower, that might have just been the goal that day. So I think the self care piece when you can you might need some therapy you might need you know I have a chiropractor and his wife and she does a lot of supplemental stuff for me that is so helpful for my body. I also have a doctor that has been supporting me so beautifully this last year with hormones and and menopause and all that good fun stuff. And I have a mentor that helps me with my emotional health and I have another woman that helps with my physical health because I’ve made made all these connections through the years and they really helped keep me on track I was tell people I need a babysitter and every little part of my life because when I have that, like shift works and when I don’t it’s harder for me to show up for myself and so I’ve created a really big support system for myself and I have my community I have Sonny’s community I have Wes his community and you know I have a lot of different support systems that that if I don’t show up or I start someone was talking about I think it was Mary that she starts to kind of pull back and she starts to disconnect a little bit. That’s that’s one of my warning signs as well is I just kind of shut down a little bit. And when I could do that I have several people that will be on my butt I’m calling texting, what are you doing? What’s happening, what’s going on? Like come on, like get back into life. And then I work whatever tools that I need to do to get back going. But I definitely have a lot of support systems that I’ve learned that work for me. Okay, um Jackie says just that you encourage us to use or to change our story not fall back into the victim role. Yep. Yeah, I don’t like that victim energy drives me bonkers when I go there. I will do anything to stay out of that until I find myself in it and then I’m like oh this is kind of easy. And it’s not it just as awful. This is the reason we are all here online with you now we are support for each other and you are offering your support for us with your in cite some words of inspiration. Thank you. And that’s true. It is one of the reasons I wanted to do 31 days is because I needed support through the holidays. And I liked the holidays. And I know there’s other people that feel the same, because I have my own things about the holidays, but I really wanted to enjoy them and feel connected and community. This is the easiest way to do it. And I can connect with people all over the world. Oh, I love that. See, this is great. This is how you can get get support from people out in the world too. I went shopping today and it was amazing how the ladies helped me and they picked up things I wouldn’t have picked out for myself. They rocked it see so fun. Yeah, we don’t need to be Wonder Woman ladies. Often depression rears its ugly. rears its ugly. And I let my mind get ahead of me. I’m grateful for my husband very thankful for my gym. I always think the ladies from my exercise class that I teach, they always make me feel good. That’s right, Nancy, moving your body. support systems help to keep us accountable. Yeah. And I always sucked at accountability. Always I’ve always sucked accountability for myself now for other people always show up for other people. But that was something that I didn’t realize. And catch. I don’t know how many years it’s been now I want to say four years, five years. I don’t know how long it’s been now. But I have a mentor. And I’ve had her for years. And at one time I said, you know, this keeps coming to me. And I’m wondering if we can do this, I would like to write every day. But I want to send it to you. Because I know if I send it to if I know that you’re waiting for it and and you don’t see it on our next call, you’re gonna get after me about it. And so just want to write every day. And she goes, Oh, yeah, she goes, Do you realize what you’re trying to do for yourself. And I’m like, I don’t know, I just need to write every day. And I know if I send it to you, I’ll do it. Because you’re, you’re able to show up for me. And she said, and that’s fine, until you learn how to show up for yourself. And I was like, Oh, I I had never looked at it that way. And so that was one of the biggest pieces of having a mentor that I love is because I will show up for her even to this day, I’ll still show up for her and in some areas. Better Than I’ll show up for myself, while I’m learning to show up for myself in those areas. And that was life changing right there. I still write every every day I write every day I journal. And I don’t always send it to her. But I always have one going. And every day I write and so over, I think it’s been this last. I don’t know, six months, eight months, maybe that I haven’t had to send it every day. But I still write it to her every day. And it’s just it’s just going through checking in with myself. How is my emotions today? How am I feeling? How’s my heart feeling? How is my money feeling? How’s my wealth feeling? How’s my body feeling? How is my relationships, how’s my work, like, I just go through my whole life that day and see how things are feeling and what needs to be expressed. And it’s shifted so much, because the drama that I used to journal about everyday because oh my god, it was so much drama. I was like, Oh my God, all I do is think about the drama in my life. But as soon as I gave it a container to put that energy in for the journaling, then it didn’t show up so much on my outside life, because it had a container to go in and my writing every day. So that helped the rest of my day. And so for self help and a drama queen and someone that is big into it, I was so into the victim and the murderer and blah, blah, blah stuff like oh my god, that was so helpful for me. Okay, so finding someone that you can show up for, like a lot of moms, you’re always gonna show up for your kids. We just are like, do it for your kids, and you want to do it for you. But I’m happy to give people that leeway to have some baby steps to do it for others while you’re learning to do it for you. Because in the end, your kids are gonna grow up and move out. So you’re not going to have to do it for them anymore, then you’re gonna have to find a way to do it for yourself. So you might as well start early. Okay.

29:29
Um, going to use that tool. Yes. Right on Carla. She says when you feel kind of wonky you just move your hips a few minutes and it puts you in a different mood and perspective. Yep, that’s right. Jacqueline, so fucking love your authenticity. I have learned to just show up you know, and that that’s probably another piece of that is when you know you have support in your life and you know you have people that support you really soon. Are you? You can just be you. You don’t have to wear the masks anymore. It’s so cool. Like it was such an interesting. It was so interesting to me at my dad’s funeral. And I’ve told this story many, many times to people. But it was awful. That whole thing with my dad was awful. He got very, very sick. There was just all this stuff it It was awful for like three years. And so when he finally passed it, there was a lot of mercy to that, like it was time for him to go, right. And so there was relief with it, and all that kind of stuff. And we had the funeral. And it was not a big funeral by any means. Because it was still during COVID. We had some people that came but but there’s a lot that obviously couldn’t come because of COVID. Nor did we want to bring that big of a group together, right. And so when I was walking, there were so many flowers sent from people in my community. My friends in my community, my clients, Sonny’s community, like I think there was 10 bouquets at my dad’s funeral that were from people in my support circle. And it blew me away. Because it was number one, it was such a small funeral. Not a lot of people, really, my dad didn’t have a ton of friends, things like that. So wouldn’t have been a huge funeral anyways, but it just blew me away that that many flower bouquets were from people in my life that were just thinking about me, they didn’t know my dad, they knew what I had gone through, and, and all the different things like that. But to send that and just to have that community support, and I kept getting that kind of support. I got so much mail for the next two or three weeks after my dad passed. And I just thought I have never felt this sort of support in my life. And the perspective was, I had never allowed that kind of support in my life before. And so I think there’s that piece when someone said that women aren’t always good receivers, we’re not always gonna Lauer’s, right. And so there’s a lot of people that probably want to support you some healthy, some maybe not so much. But are you allowing yourself to be supported? You know, I often give the message to women, like let your husband love you a little bit. Like they actually want to actually want to do some of this stuff for you, and they want to love you. And many, many push them away, I find myself doing that to Eli. And then I’m like, Oh, hold on a second. It’s just trying to support me, he’s trying to love me. And you have to start allowing people to support you. And that alone can be part of the first step is just allowing people to support you because it’s so uncomfortable. So uncomfortable if you’re not used to it. And if you’re usually the one taking care of everybody else. Oh my god, it’s awful. Like when my dad first got sick, we needed a bunch of stuff for him. And because he wasn’t able to walk very well anymore, and he needed bed rails and the shower chairs and blah, blah, all this stuff. And I’ll never ever forget. I don’t know if she’s on tonight. I don’t know George is on tonight. But there’s this great place in Fargo. Hiro is is what it’s called. And if you need any kind of medical stuff, like it’s a great place, it’s all donated. And they have great prices on it. They have tons and tons of assistance and support if you need that. And I remember walking into this woman knew me and she goes, Hey, I know who you are. And I’m crying because everywhere I went, I cried. And I was like, Oh, great. And she goes no, I think it’s about time you finally let someone else support you. And then I cried even more. And then she had to come around the counter and she was hugging me up and she was so lovely that day. So lovely. And she’s like, Okay, we need to help you with this. And this and this. Fill this out sign this. Let’s go find this. Let’s get this she helped me get every all my chips in my car. And she goes, You know, I followed you for years. She was it’s about time you let someone else help you. And I just thought oh, just brings me to my knees brings me to my knees. And it was such a great experience. Because from from that day and many many, many days after oh my god, the support that we got was amazing. And it was just because we needed the support. I needed the support. Sure, but so did other people in my life. Right? So of course I’m gonna show up for them. But I needed support to at the time I just had no idea how much I needed it. Okay. Yeah, it always feels so selfish to need or ask for help. Right? And this is what I tell people when they say that. And I because this is what I said to myself too. I was like, okay, so if you had someone come in, let’s say some woman come in and sit down and tell her all of the shit that was happening in in her life that just happened to match everything in your life. And you could clearly see that that woman needed help. And and she was finally asking for help. Would you look at her and be like, yeah, sister, You’re so selfish. Like, You’re so selfish. You should not be asking for help with all the shit going on in your life, like, go take care of it yourself. Would you ever say that to somebody? No, no, you just wouldn’t. You just would most people wouldn’t, I suppose are some assholes at what? But she wouldn’t, right? And so kind of put yourself in that other spot, because I always like to help people, right? And yes, there’s people that take advantage of the help and all that kind of stuff. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the people that when they really need some help, they’re being brave. They’re asking for help. They’re showing up for themselves. They’re doing something that takes a lot of courage. You’re not going to turn around and say, God, You’re so selfish. Oh, my God, I can’t believe you’re here asking. Like, you’re just not going to do that. Right? And if you’re worried about being selfish, you are not selfish. You’re just not. So remember that piece. Okay. Yeah, and it is, it’s a conditioning, and it’s a generational thing. And it’s shit, our moms and grandmas, and great grandmas all taught us, except we all know better. And when you know better, you can do better. So those are just old stories. So I’ve been conditioned to do a lot of things that I don’t do anymore, just because it doesn’t work for me. And so I had to come to these decisions and be like, okay, so that doesn’t work for me, like, I need some help, like, I am not getting the help that I need, or that these people around me need. So I gotta go somewhere else for help. And sometimes going elsewhere, for help is the best thing you can do for yourself. It’s the best self care because again, you get the the other perspectives. When I started seeing all these other perspectives, I was like, oh my god, like what? I never knew that life could be like this. I never knew that I could feel like this. I never knew that it was okay to like succeed. And it was okay to talk about that. And it was okay to do this kind of thing. And it was okay to just be myself and not have to show up in a certain way or wear a mask or whatever. Like it was okay, just to be like, Hey, can you just take a breath with me today? Like, it’s been a shit day, and I’m really struggling and I’m okay, but I just need someone to get that I’m having a hard day. Sometimes. That’s all you need. Just someone to be like, Yep, I got you. Let’s take a breath together. And let’s be okay, together. Okay. And they’ll call you on your stuff sometimes. Okay, it really is okay. It just really is. Really happy to hear that Mary. Yep, changing that conditioning is a Get Out of Jail Free card. Yep. Because sometimes we play victim to our conditioning. And I know that word is triggering word that victim energy, I do not like it. I’ve never liked it. I’ve been one for most of my life, don’t like it. But I really became a victim to my conditioning. And it was always my excuse, or always the story or always the reason that I kept doing what I was doing, because I just didn’t know anything different. I just didn’t know anything different. So I just kept going back and forth in it. And I had to start trying different things. I actually really had to pull in and and do my own self work. And I really pulled out of a lot of social circles. I’ve done this a couple of times in my life where I really had to pull in and only work with a couple people for myself, just just so I didn’t have any other voices in my ears. I just needed the noise off so I could figure out what worked for me. Because what worked for me, for sure didn’t work with a lot of people that were in my life at the time. And so that piece was really important for me. So sometimes I hear that I’m really lonely or I don’t have any friends or things like that I get that piece. And I have much healthier people around me because I was patient to to attract the people that were healthy instead of staying with some of the people that I just hung out because I didn’t want to be lonely. Like I stopped doing that. And it wasn’t easy because it is lonely. But I started to spend better time with myself and find things that I wanted to do or go do things that I wanted to do you guys saw me this summer I went on a two week road trip all by myself. I mean, I saw people along the way, but I spent two weeks alone by myself and it was great. It’s so much fun. And I did have some moments of loneliness, but they shouldn’t last very long. Because I was making friends along the way. I have people all over the United States that I’m friends with now, just because I do Facebook. It’s so fascinating.

40:17
All right. Some times we just put ourselves in a cage or jail to get out of it, because it’s so freeing. Yep. And sometimes we go back and forth, we go in the jail, we come out, we go in the jail, we come out, because it’s practice. Life is just you know, a lot of people talk about spiritual practice. I think life is just practice. Everything we do is practice. Yep, detox from unhealthy people. Yeah, yep. Sometimes you just need to spend some time with yourself to shut the noise off. And just let yourself go for a drive. Look at the Christmas lights go to a Christmas concert by yourself. One of the things that I really started doing, and I did this a long time ago, this isn’t new. But I started doing a lot of things alone. Because I was starting to meet all these women that couldn’t do things by themselves. Like they always had to have somebody with them. And I just thought I, I don’t, I don’t always I don’t want to be like that. Because a lot of the women at the time were with healthy people, because they just didn’t want to be alone. And I was like, Eli, I want to learn how to do some of this stuff so that I can be independent in myself too. Then if I want to go to a movie, I’m just gonna get up and go to a movie. You know, my girlfriend used to go to movies all the time by herself. And we always kind of make fun of her because we’re like, What the hell was she going to movie by herself? And I’m like, because she wants to go to the movie. So she’s going to the movie, I like to go hiking, I go hiking or I traveling alone was a huge piece for me. And I really needed to learn how to do that. I haven’t done I haven’t done overseas, traveling yet. I’m still kind of a chicken about that. But I definitely have a couple places I want to go. So I think doing some things by yourself and learning how to be friends with yourself. I had a friend. Couple years ago, maybe four years ago, I went on a road trip and I was documenting it and on Facebook and stuff like I do. I’m you know, I’m kind of obnoxious on my Facebook. And it was so funny because my hairdresser called and she and she has known me for years. And she goes, You’re so weird. You’re having such a good time. And aren’t you by yourself? I’m like, Well yeah, I’m a good friend of myself. Like we have a good time together. And she’s like, you’re such a weirdo. As a given I’m having a good time. And I’ve always remembered that that was such a goal for me is to like enjoy myself and like be able to spend time with myself I don’t wanna be miserable in my own head, you know, so I would turn the radio off and turn the TV’s off. I’d be in silence i That’s my favorite is just having silence sometimes. And I would just spend time alone with myself because I didn’t like what my thoughts were so I had to get used to doing it a different way. And when everything was quiet, I had to listen to myself that gave me the opportunity to heal some of that shit that was going on in my head.

43:15
Okay

43:17
um so Karen said I just was visiting with my mentor and she asked What did I feel was my biggest strength of the past 12 weeks and I said recognizing my weaknesses now I need to decondition from those a min right? That’s such a strength for you know your weaknesses. They become your biggest strengths because they can give you your power back because it’s like oh I don’t like that part. So I’m going to fix that or or expand that or learn something different or give me a different perspective so much better so much better. To give to enjoy things alone Yeah, not for everybody not everyone loves to be alone but yeah, for me it is I don’t mind my alone time exactly right Jack said just just so what I said yep. So used to doing things alone it became way more comfortable. Now it’s getting used to interacting and allowing others and yep, so it can be both sides for sure. can be both sides. I know. I mean a lot of people know I like my alone time but I do recognize it can go both ways. Yep, I recognize I was keeping myself busy helping others, so I wouldn’t have time to work on me. Uh huh. I was a hero. I like to be the hero Let me save the day because then I didn’t have to look at my shit I was absolutely that I live alone and have so much alone time I don’t really like doing things by myself I need a new tribe. Okay, so you’re gonna set the intentionally and to have Spirit lead you to a new tribe. However that looks And then listen to when you’re told to go to a concert or go to a movie or go sit in a cafe or go to the coffee shop or do whatever. Like, a lot of times when I would get lonely, I would just get my laptop and I would go out and sit at Starbucks, or one of the coffee shops in town, we have a ton of coffee shops in Fargo, and I would just sit there, so I’d have people around me, it’s not the same, but it helps me not feel so alone sitting at home. And I usually would end up you know, talking to people. And that helped me learn how to communicate with people. And it taught me kind of taught me as an adult how to make friends again, because, you know, we, unless we do that, we’re not going to meet people, like we actually have to put ourselves out there a little bit, right. And so maybe putting yourself in some social places, maybe that’s gonna be one of your things you do this year. I’m alone, too much. And then I choose to do for others and not do for myself. Yep, that’s a biggie for a lot of women. And you got to put yourself first lady’s got to put yourself first. And sometimes you got to you got to care for yourself. First, I was just telling this story. And another group that I’m running right now and my dad had to go to hospital. And we knew he we knew it was coming. It was when everyone had this shitty flu and all this kind of stuff. And I remember I was going to run out the door because we had to call 911 to get help to get him out of the house, blah, blah, blah. And my spirit said, Nope, stop. It’s going to be cold at the hospital. Put some layers on. And I was like, Oh, that’s true. So I ran and I got you know, tanktop t shirt, long sleeve shirt, a sweatshirt, because it’s cold in hospitals, and I brought an extra pair of socks and got warmer shoes on. You’re gonna get hungry because you’re gonna be there for hours, grab some snacks, okay, yep, you’re right, got some water, you know, got some some snacks that I can have things like that. And I went through just it only took me less than five minutes to get myself prepared to be able to go help my dad in the hospital. And we were there for hours and hours hours. I ended up getting the flu throughout the evening. And so all of those few minute things that I did supported me while I didn’t feel well supported my dad well, he for sure didn’t feel well. So sometimes you’ve got to do those little things first, and then you can go out and save the world. Okay. Samantha says that’s what I do, too. I go to caribou just to be around other humans. I’ve talked to a lot of new people. Yep. I think it is hard making friends as an adult. Thomas says I give myself permission to leave after 15 minutes typically stay longer. That’s right. That’s awesome. Yep. And I I love because when I was in high school, I was super shy. I know that shocking, because I’m kind of a big mouth now. But I didn’t know how to talk to people. And I didn’t know how to communicate with people very well, thank God, I had my friends. And I was just so shy. And I got a job in a restaurant. And I had to either learn how to talk to people or not pay rent. And so that was a gift. But what I love about this work is it’s helped me learn how to talk to anybody out in the world, it just does not matter. And I’ve had the most magical conversations with people just being able to say hi, like this woman. I was in Florida a couple of weeks, one of my best friends turned 50 We did not she did. And we were on the sailboat. And we did this excursion, we all picked surprise excursions for each other. And I took them on this sailboat thing and there was one other couple. And when they got on the boat, the I could tell the gentleman either had been sick or was sick or recovering or something. He just he just had that air about him a little bit. It was very thin and stuff. And we were out in the Gulf and it was big, huge waves. And the sailboat was going super fast. And it was like this, it was so fun and so scary. And it was awesome. It was so much fun. And this woman was having the time of her life, the time of her life. And it was so cool, because I could actually ask her about that. I think I actually told the story yesterday, but it was so fun because she was a complete stranger to me. And I was able just to be like, Hey, you look like you’re having the time of your life. And she was like I am. And I will talk to women if I see him out in the mall, and they just look like they’re having so much fun or maybe they just are really dressed up and they just look really great. I’m like, oh my god, sister, you are killing it. You look fantastic or people out in restaurants or things like that. I love that I have the ability to do that now but it took me years to get over that shyness. And that helped because I know if I really got stuck with something, I could go to a stranger in the community and be like, Oh my god, I have a flat Tire I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to change my tire, I know how to repair. But I would still want some help with that. Like, I wouldn’t have trouble asking for help out in the world. Like when I was traveling this summer. I’m like, oh my god, like I’m in Wyoming and Montana, wonder what would happen if my car broke down? Like, you know, that’s a little dangerous. And I was like, I would just ask for help. I would just ask someone for help. And that was a big awareness that like, oh, I have no trouble asking for help on the world. And so asking for support and help. That’s your goal, my friends. Okay. All right. Questions, comments? Good subject, hmm, for day number two, for 31 days of spirit. Okay, so if you want to play along, and you want to share a story of support, maybe you need some support. And maybe in the next 24 hours, your goal is to reach out and ask for some support from somebody. Maybe you need to set a goal, it’s called Doctor, maybe you need us psychiatrist or therapist or minister or whatever. Go ahead and share your wins on asking for help with anything, I don’t care what you ask for help for but support in some way over on mighty networks in our group. And anyone who posts in that group is going to be counted in for I’m putting everyone that comments in a cup. So I can pull for prizes as we move along in the 31 days of spirit. Okay, so all prizes are going to go through mighty networks, because I want to get used to maybe networks because that’s what I’m doing all my classes. And so if you have something fun to share about support, maybe have something fun to share about self care, something you’ve learned for yourself something that works for you. Go ahead and share that over at mighty networks in our group and then you will be counted in for the prizes next week when we start to give away prizes. Okay. All right. That’s what I have for you tonight, my friends. tomorrow for day three. We will meet here at 10am. Okay, I’m going to do morning one tomorrow. 10 a m, right here, wherever you’re watching, and we will go for day number three. Okay. All right, guys. Have a great night and I will see you tomorrow morning at 10am Central. Okay. Bye everyone. See ya