SPEAKER: Jodie Harvala

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Hello, hello, everybody. Happy Sunday. Let’s see if anyone is around. I know a bunch of you might be watching the Vikings game. Or maybe it’s over by now.

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I don’t even know. I know they were playing today. But I do not know if it’s still on it might

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be. So I am coming on to give you our subject for day number 11

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I was gonna check my day tomorrow too, so I can let you know when I was actually going to be on. Let’s see. Okay. All right, got it. Okay, let’s see if anyone is on today. Go ahead and say hello.

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All right, so day number 11. This month is just a lion by isn’t it? All right, I see people are on say hi to me. There we go. Now I can see a perfect like cat hair on me or something. I was meditating. So my both my cats had to sit right. Right on me as they always do. Hello, hello. So it is beautiful in Fargo today. Um, I’ve been doing a bunch of chores today. Got some stuff ready for shipping. I had our I had a bunch of naughty spirit bundles that were purchased. So I have them ready to go to the post office tomorrow. I suppose I can share that for you. Let me put that here. Here is a list of all of the things most of the things that we have going on for the holidays. There’s things from clearing space clearings readings, I don’t think the knotty bundles are in there, but I did just post them a day or two ago. So I am heading to the post office tomorrow, if anyone needs to order one, I still have a few left. And we have lots of deep discounts on things for space clearing all sorts of stuff, you guys. So take a look at it. If you have someone that maybe you personally want to reading, I did some deep discounts on 30 minute readings. So I’ve had lots of people buy one for them one for someone else. And some people bought several, which is totally okay by me. So holidays, why not? So definitely take a peek at that. So today the subject that came to mind, and I don’t know why it came to mind. There was a story I had behind it, but I don’t remember what the story is. But it is validation. And I thought we would talk about people that need validation from outside sources, I absolutely was that person. A lot of times when you need a lot outside validation from people, you maybe are struggling with your self confidence. Maybe you’re learning to trust yourself again, maybe you have learned not to trust yourself. And so you keep going elsewhere for that validation. And I think this time of year or any time of the year, really, I think it can become unhealthy to keep going for outside validation. And I remember I was starting my business. And I needed tons and tons of validation when I first started because I had no idea what I was doing. I have no idea how to build a business. And I remember I had this great idea. And I went out to coffee with this lady and I was telling her about this idea. And I’m like, Hey, would you do this? And she’s like, I don’t know why you keep frickin asking people outside of you. She goes, You know, you’re gonna do it anyways. So stop asking for people to agree with you and just go do it. And I just sat there staring at her. And I was like, Oh, well, that’s true. I guess I do keep going outside of myself. And I really needed almost permission from people to go do what I knew that I wanted to do. But I always wanted someone to agree with me. And it can just get really unhealthy when you’re when you’re seeking that. And in the world of social media. It can get out of hand very quickly. I remember we were in a mastermind and we kept counting, you know how many likes we got or or how many views we got and all of this kind of stuff. And if you put something up and you didn’t get a whole bunch of people liking it like that was a failure, which really wasn’t at all social media is so weird because there are things that you can put out Oh, that I will hear three years later, Hey, I saw this post on social media and it just touched me. And, you know, I never commented I never liked it. But oh my god, it changed my life. Like, I’ve heard that before more than once. And I really feel like, I’m, like, I need to block this person that’s trying to take advantage of people hold on a second. But a lock sister. All right. Let me delete her. That’s what I’m feeling like, I don’t need validation, I can just block that person. Okay. Um, there we go. Okay, sometimes we get little people that jump in here. Okay, so, um, I used to ask for a lot of validation. And I do have respected people to me that I do really honor their opinion. Sometimes I have a mentor for that, like, I go back and forth on different ideas or different directions. Or if I’m trying to work through something really difficult, like, I absolutely have somebody that I trust that number one, if I don’t go her way, she doesn’t care. She’s like you, it’s your business. You do what you want. But let’s talk about it. And here’s what I’ve done. And here’s what I’ve learned. And here’s, you know, the the pieces that were hard about it, but you know, she would never, she would never judge me for going against what she had said, I’ve also had teachers and mentors and things like that, that have gotten pissed, because I didn’t do it their way, like really pissed, like, bad talk me behind their back kind of thing. And that taught me so much, probably more than anything that taught me a lot, because I just thought, wow, you know, everyone gets to do their own thing when they want to do their own thing. But if I’m constantly needing that validation, that’s something in me. And that’s something to take a look at. And why do I keep asking for it? For me, it definitely was around some. It was definitely around some some self esteem stuff. It was around not trusting myself, it was around not knowing I didn’t feel like I was educated well enough to make some of the decisions I was making. I was absolutely spirit led in my decisions. But my brain was like, Yeah, but you’ve never done this. And you’ve never taken a class on that and law, the law. And I’ve never needed to because I surround myself with people that know better than me or know more than me, maybe not better than me, but they know more than me. And they’re really, they’re really experts in their field. And so I created that kind of space. So if I am doing something, and I am not quite sure that I have some people I can reach out to they’d be like, Hey, this is something that we’re thinking to do in and this is my question on it. This is where I’m kind of shaky on it. But in the end, it’s my decision. It’s always my decision in the end. And I think sometimes people forget that you’re the boss of your life. And nobody else is. Even around the holidays. I cannot tell you the amount of people that I have heard them say I wish I could just stay home this year. And I’m like, so stay home. You might upset people. That’s true. But they’ll get over it, usually. And if they don’t, that probably tells you more about them than you. And I definitely have made more decisions that have no obligation to them. If I feel obligated, it’s almost always a no. And I can’t say it’s always a no, because there’s some times that I’m like, am I to do this? But almost always it’s a no if I feel obligated or guilted guilted. It’s a no. But I feel guilt about having to do something because someone’s guilting me into it. No, it’s a no. That’s just a pattern in my generational stuff that I’m just like a no. And so I thought it would be kind of a good subject to bring up and remind people that if you are looking outside yourself for validation, maybe you want to step into just being really clear with what your decisions are. And keep them somewhat to yourself for a while until you’re really aligned with them. So several years ago, I wanted to take a group to Sedona for years. And our next trip is February 2024. We actually pushed it out a little bit because people needed a little extra time. And I want to take people to Sedona and I finally got this hit like for five years I had wanted to do this. And I finally got this hit after this retreat that we had. And I was like, oh, it’s time. Like it’s time like I need to put this all together. And I didn’t tell anybody about it. I booked the rooms I booked my plane tickets I booked the activities we were going to do I made the sales page, I gave it to the people that I was really drawn to give it to they all signed up. They all signed up within like a day or two. I got all of it done. And then I rented the car, like all of it. And then I went and told Eli that I was doing this trip, and it was booked. And he’s like, Oh, well,

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I hope you fill it up. I’m like, no, no, it’s already filled up. And he’s like, the hell like, you’re not going to even tell me about it. And I was like, yeah, no, like, I didn’t want to because, and not that he would have ever said anything negative about it, because he absolutely supports my work. But there was something sacred about it. So I kept it sacred. And because I was so lined up with it, I didn’t want anything else coming into it. Because I think some people have big dreams and lots of things that they want to do. And then they start telling people about it, and then all the shortfalls in because all their doubt shows up. But they don’t know who you are. They don’t know what you’re capable of. They don’t know that. You can push it off. And I pulled a lot of shit off. And I was like, Holy shit, I totally did that. And it was so fun. And it was so validating for myself, for myself. And it was so empowering that I started trusting myself, I started trusting my decisions. Do I screw up? Yes, of course, I don’t care. I’ve screwed, screwed everything up. I’ve made so many bad decisions. And they always end up being better decisions later, because I’ve learned from something right. But I don’t worry as much about that. I still might send a message like even this weekend, there’s something that I want to do in my business. I was like, Huh, I’m not not shaky on it. But it was just something I wanted to bounce off somebody. And, and it was a great conversation. And as a cat, that’s what I was feeling too. Okay, so long as I’m just kind of in it. Even with your intuition. A lot of people really need a validation when they first start, which I think you do need that. That’s one time where I’m like, yep, you should practice. And you should practice with people that are willing to give you truthful, honest feedback, typically not friends or family. Go to some people that are going to be kind to you and tell you the truth. But typically, you know, your friends and family so much they’re hard to read, right. And so intuitively, when I first started, I loved the validation that I got back because I wasn’t trusting the messages that were coming through. That’s normal. That’s so normal. And everyone goes through that I haven’t met one person that hasn’t gone through that. And the validation that you get when you’re when you’re practicing with the client and doing a reading or doing a mediumship reading or even a card drawn and what you’re getting. That’s healthy validation. Now when I first started, I really really did appreciate that kind of validation. Now when I get that validation back from clients, it’s not it’s not something that I need. It’s more something that it’s really fun to hear now. I’m like, Oh, I totally was feeling that or I was like, Yeah, I get that. Yes, I totally understand that. Like, it’s fun. And it’s more of an experience, not something that I necessarily need back. But when I first started doing my intuition work, you bet I think everyone needs that kind of validation. So it can be both sides, as every subject can be, it can be both ways, right? And so I invite everyone to think about if you do need validation, maybe, maybe there’s times in your life where you’ve needed more and some where you’ve needed last, and somewhere you’re really working on things. And sometimes maybe you have a bad couple months. And so you’re you’re seeking things outside of yourself, and then you kind of catch yourself I actually it’s so interesting, when I am am in kind of that, that like doubting place or something. I have clients from 20 years back that I haven’t talked to forever, and they only book a reading when I am not feeling secure in myself. Because in their life for whatever reason, they’re a little bit insecure. And I’m like, Oh, I always get appointments by them. And they’re showing me that insecurity, that it’s always something that you can always work on. And it’s so fascinating to me because I’m like, oh damn, I have been feeling insecure lately. I just think that’s something that people walk through just depending on I remember after my dad passed, and several people passed, I had many, many, many people pass a couple years ago. And it was so hard that I stopped doing mediumship for the summer, because I just didn’t have energy. It wasn’t a good reading for people like I just knew I knew I didn’t need outside validation. I just knew inside that I shouldn’t be doing readings at the time. And when I first started to come back, and I did like my first reading or my first gallery and I was getting some good feedback. I was like oh good Thank God like I needed the validation, then it was so interesting. So it’s a tricky little energy to work with. Lauren, you can actually go to my website to get a reading. So it’s www dot Jodie harvala.com. And if you go to the holiday gift link that I posted, if you can’t see it now you’ll see when I get off air, go on there to get that first because I did a big discount on it. Okay, just so you know. But I think when when you’re working on your intuition, and you’re working on all this kind of stuff, even starting a business, or even, you know, letting people know what you have for sale, and all that kind of stuff. I do think that takes and validation when you first start, but I don’t want you to always live in that place. I want you to be able to make decisions that work for you because they work for you, personally, and you’ll have all the little looky loos out there that’ll give you their opinion. Don’t worry about it. But opinions is not the validation that you’re looking for. I’ve had people, my dad even one time. My dad always says, Do you want some feedback? Nope. I don’t? Well, no, I don’t. I told you. I don’t want any feedback. Because it was not necessarily healthy feedback. It was usually criticism. And I didn’t need that. I didn’t need the criticism. I didn’t ask for your opinion. I don’t want it if I want it, I’ll ask for it. But I’m not going to ask for your criticism or your opinion. I might ask for feedback in a certain way. But it’s okay to tell people No, no, I really don’t want that. No, I’m not interested in your opinion. Nope. I used to I had to get really good at that piece. Because for whatever reason, I used to be very critical in my own head. And so I would be surrounded by critical people. And I was like, what and how, like everyone I hang out with is so critical and judgy. And my friend Chris told me, she goes, you do that to yourself in your head? I’m like, Look, yeah, of course, I’m really hard on myself. And she’s like, you might want to clean that up. I bet that’ll clean up some of the circle that to hang with. And I thought that’s really good that that’s some good information right there. And it was so interesting, because as soon as I started to clean that up, number one, the opinions went away for them. I mean, everyone’s got an opinion. But they weren’t, they weren’t throwing them at me. They weren’t throwing the criticism at me. They weren’t throwing all the shit that I didn’t need to hear about. Usually people already know, that’s what I think is so funny when people offer critiques, or they think they’re helping, or they’re giving us information on stuff that we didn’t ask for. I always tell people, if you’re not asking me, I’m not going to offer it. If you ask Sure. I will, I will give you some feedback. But if people aren’t asking, I don’t offer it. You know, I’m not needing that. And sometimes I just need the experience. So I have people that that do like to do that kind of stuff. And I’m like, Yeah, I didn’t ask for your opinion. Didn’t ask for your feedback, didn’t ask for the education. Didn’t ask for all the little facts. I don’t I don’t need those. I’m just have my experience over here. And I’ll learn all that most likely. And I’m okay with that. Because I like to have the experience. Kristen says I’m doing mirror work right now with the book by Louise Hay mirror work is very important. I love mirror work. Yep. And mirror work is really interesting. Because it’ll, it’ll show you so many cool things. And one of the things often is that validation piece, and you’ll start to see things and other people, whether it’s stuff that bugs you about them, or whether it’s stuff that inspires you and I used to really tend to look for everything that was annoying about people and human beings really bothered me for a really long time. I was just like, What is wrong with all these people? And I just humanity really bothered me. And then I started to look more at what inspires me about people and what people out there actually are fun for me to watch them whether it’s an actress or someone in a movie or a character or whatever. And that changed so much because I would get so inspired by them. And that was such a healthier feel. I was like God I feel so much better than all this other validation and needing it and needing the likes and needing this and needing that. Oh my gosh was terrible. And then you get into that that comparison piece. And I used to unfriend, not unfriend, but I would unfollow some of my colleagues because they were they were blowing up and they were doing so well. And, and in my head that comparison was like they were succeeding and I was failing. I just tend to go a little slower with things. I’m

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kind of a slow learner sometimes. And so they were you know, busting out of the seams in their business and I’m still plugging along. And it would it would get to me so deeply and I get so passed instead of being inspired by what they were doing. I would get jealous and I would get down on myself and all this stuff. So I just had to unfollow them, and wait until I could hold my energy and be happy for them. And that took a long time for me. And I’ve and I’ve heard from other people that they started doing that too, because I kind of suggested and I’m like, if someone’s so annoying to you, in that way where it’s taken away, like the joyful piece of them building their business, or doing well in life, or traveling or anything, and follow for a little bit, work on your stuff until you can follow without the triggers, like I used to really, really struggle with people going on trips all the time, because I really, really wanted to travel, but I wasn’t prioritizing travel, I was prioritizing all this other stuff. And spending all my stuff being jealous or angry or frustrated, or whatever it’s been in in my own little circle. And then I was like, oh, maybe if I just start putting a little money away, I can travel too. And maybe I have to start with smaller trips, or, or save a little longer at the time. But at least I can still go somewhere. And so I love to see people’s travel stuff, I love to see it because it’s so inspiring. They’re like, oh, I want to go there, and I want to go there and I want to go there, Oh, that’d be a cool experience, which is so different than I used to be. Because it’s really painful to be in a comparison piece. It’s so painful to live in comparison. Yep, comparison kills the joy every time, every time and it puts you right in the victim mode. And so when you find yourself in that needing the validation or in that victim mode, or in those places, start giving yourself some choices. Because your choices, I can sit in this mood, or I can look for something that might work better for me or I can talk to someone that’s inspirational or I can listen to a podcast that always gets me going, or I could do this or or or so you can start giving yourself choices to get you out of that place and get you back into your own alignment. And then and then that that need for outside validation isn’t there. And I just I I’ve been seeing a lot of people that need some validation lately. And so just a reminder that you can learn to validate your own self, one of my favorite stories about my husband, and I don’t know that he even knows I tell the story. But it was so funny. Because I told my my hairstylist, she’s known us for years. And it was so funny. And I thought, well, that’s how you do it. Because he was working on we have an old old Jeep that he keeps out at his dad’s place. And he was working on it and he was struggling with it. My husband ever gets pissed off at anything. It’s so annoying. He is so calm. And my oldest is the same way. I just Keaton’s like that, too. They just never freak out about anything. And so he was working on something. And it was something that he had been working on most of the day. And he was so annoyed, and I was coming around the corner. And I heard him it’s okay, Eli, you can do this. I know you can you can do this, Eli. And he was like cheering himself on. And I was like, I don’t know that I have ever cheered myself on like that. And I was going to get my hair cuts I walk in. I’m like, do you cheer yourself on? And she’s like, Well, what do you mean? I said, What? He was working on this thing on the Jeep? And he’s like, it’s okay. Like, you can do it like this. You can figure this out. And she’s like, No, she’s like, I did not talking to myself that way. I’m like, I don’t either, but I think we should. And so we laugh about it. Sometimes she’s like, Oh, I did the ELI thing today, I was cheering myself on. I’m like me too. And I thought it was amazing. Because I was like, Oh, I never realized I never cheered myself on. And I also realized how important it is to sometimes be the cheerleader. So if I’m not feeling maybe as competent as I want or are things aren’t going as well as I want or whatever, I will usually go within my community and find someone that I think is really doing fucking cool stuff or, or did something that I knew they were afraid of, or something and I will send them a note to cheer them on. Because I’m watching and I think it’s really cool that you did this. And I’m really excited for you. And thanks for putting it socially so I could see it. And that makes such a difference in people’s life. I like when I get notes like that. But I really like to do that for other people too. And I just do it randomly. It’s not any certain people. It’s just people that I noticed, I watch a lot of people I see a lot of people I’ve known a lot of people building businesses, because a lot of us are in a business group together. So I think that that validation P is can be done in a healthy way and a very unhealthy way. So I want to just remind you today to learn how to cheer yourself on and maybe that’s the challenge. And kind of the fun little thing that you guys can post over on mighty networks is let me know either how you do cheer yourself on, or how you could start to cheer yourself on and share a few ideas with everybody because then we can all cheer ourselves on and use everyone else’s trick. Some tips and things like that. I think that would be really fun. And then tomorrow, I will be coming back for and we’re going to talk about prizes tomorrow, and I will be coming back. Let’s see. I’m gonna say 1230 tomorrow, okay. 1230 and we’re going to talk about the prizes over on mighty networks and we’ll talk about day 12 And then we’ll just keep digging in my friends. Okay, so if I can help you in any way, please let me know make sure you take a look at our holiday offers before they run out and I will be back tomorrow at 1230 Okay, bye guys.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai